I wonder....

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I am going to manage 4 kids. I mean, I try not to think of it really, but when I do I just try and tell myself that lots of people do it and make it through. Then I wonder. Do they have help? What do they let go of? Do they neglect certain things? Are they really good at listening to their kids scram when they can't tend to them? I'm not good at any of those things. I try and stay relaxed and say the kids will be fine but I end up getting them or I sit there exhuasted stareing at the mess so frsuterated that it is there and not having the energy to clean it up. I can't mentally let it go it just sits there in my head bugging me until I do it...which may not be for a while so that is a long time to hold on to frusteration. Some people are just so relaxed...or smart enough not to have 4 kids in 6 years. I know I`ll get through it, but as I get more tired in this pregnacy, the 3 I have have really taken their toll on me. I hired someone last week to mow the lawn and a lady to clean the house. I mean, we are also showing the home right now which is a huge added pressure. I guess if i didn`t feel the need to keep the house clean, I would feel much more relaxed. I just need someone I can get to do silly little things that sit there in my head. Right now, I`m thinking I should go to the store tonight to get a few things. Do I need toÉ No. I can totally do without those items....but i want them. I`m such a head case.