My last baby

So I am surprised at how I am reacting to Penny growing up. I in NO WAY want another child(which is good as Preston has been snipped) but I do notice I'm feeling mildly sad about it all being over. These past weeks, I thought I would have to stop breastfeeding Penny, she is 1 now, as she was STILL waking up 3 times a night, and sometimes she would whine for several hours even after I nursed her. So, I was reading a book and one example was a couple who had the same problem and had to stop breastfeeding to break that night time habit of waking and nursing. However, I noticed with Penny, that it seems to be going ok to try to give her some water, her soother and lay her back down without picking her up at all. last night, she woke up at 1:30 but she went back to sleep when I gave her her soother, and then she didn`t wake up till 7 sò I didn`t have to get up to feed her all night long. Hooray. Now, it has only been 3 nights where things have been going better but I am totally sold on Kamilles(my SIL) opinion that feeding a kid in the middle of the night can kick start their metabolism and wake them up more...I think that is what she said. Anyways, I am so glad I dont have to stop breastfeeding because I am not ready. I enjoy it so much and so does Penny. She is my clingiest, whiniest kid(in part my fault because I carry her everywhere)but she is opening up to people a bit and she is super cute and fun. I cant take her in the back yard though becuase she bolts for the garden and just starts stuffing her face with soil. At first, I let her do it, because I thought she would realize how gross it is and spit it out. But she just keeps eating it and stuffing more in, its crazy! So really, we can't play in the backyard. So, we go to the park where she puts rocks in her mouth. Atleast she spits those out though. As I've said before, I am constantly torn between wanting to get past a stage because it is so tough(like toddlers) and knowing I'm going to miss it because it is so fun and cute. I feel like a schitzo because I can't describe it. Like when I am at home..sometimes I want someone to take the kids away for the day so I can relax. Then, an hour later I'm bored and want to know what they are doing, or be able to do something for them. Am I the only one??